Sadly, nothing of any particular interest has happened to me lately that I consider worthy of your attention, so here are some random thoughts that have been invading my brain. Perhaps you can relate to some or all of them.

Have you ever had someone tell you they don’t eat beef tongue because it comes from a cow’s mouth? Well, give ‘em an egg.

If you have a spouse or partner who has said, “You used to hug on me a lot more, why did you stop?” It’s probably because they found the remote.

Are you the one old person the family is afraid to take out in public?

I get teased about talking to myself. My standard answer is I need to speak to someone intelligent. I think people who don’t talk to themselves may have great thoughts but find them too precious to share verbally even with themselves.

Sometimes people are very responsible with their money so that later they can be irresponsible with it.

It is said that a different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you. Some probably see you as good, and some probably see you as bad. But what matters is how you see yourself.

Lawyers hope you get sued, doctors hope you get sick, cops hope you become a criminal, mechanics hope you have car trouble, but only a thief hopes you get rich. So, if you do hit it big, be careful whom you tell….or they all maybe after you.

Why are we so obsessed with celebrity? Because we want it and don’t have it? Or because it allows us to be nosy and critical of other people when we don’t think it can fly back in our face? And don’t forget that these celebrities are people who get paid big money to feed our gossip networks. Be obsessed with goodness instead.

Why is it that someone can say there are 110 billion stars in the universe and we believe them, but if we see a sign that says “Wet Paint” we have to touch it to be sure it’s really wet?

Behind every angry woman is a husband who has no idea what he did wrong.

I saw a recent report on the Internet (our culturally accepted infallible source) that Chipotle is the “healthiest fast food restaurant in America”. I see more than one oxymoron here. Do you? Most of the time we shouldn’t put ‘healthy’ and ‘fast food’ in the same sentence. And ‘healthy’ and ‘Chipotle’ don’t belong together either.

Think about this: What was the best day of your life? Was it your wedding day or was it the day two candy bars fell out of the vending machine at the same time?

Be proud of your accomplishments-It makes you strong. Never underestimate your own abilities-It makes you weak, and because it’s probably what your boss will end up doing anyway.

Keep your eyes peeled and be ready for that opportunity that may knock only once, because temptation will be banging on the door all of the time.

Life can be a dance, and quite a nice one if you just manage not to have two left feet and step on the toes of your spouse, partner, boss, friends, etc.

The only thing that does not improve with use is our temper. But I think that with age I’ve found more creative ways to exercise it.

It’s good to spend your life trying to do things that will outlast you, but only if they are suitable for audiences of all ages. Remember, our friend (?) the Internet will outlast everything, even plastic bottles and cockroaches and most assuredly you.

Sometimes when things are falling into place, do you feel like they are all falling on top of you? Well, get up, get going and get with God… that’s the only program that matters. Because, in the end, we just have to move with the times. Even though the times can’t seem to decide which way they are going.